Mr Barnaby! Where are you, you old fool? There you are. I saw the most unusual thing today. Two young men in in a field, one of which had no bloody hand. The handless fellow had the other lad on the ground and was beating him senseless.

Oh yes, my lord. That would be Masters Derek and Tom. I heard about this the other day. Shall I tell it as I heard it.

Go on Barnaby, I don’t have all bloody day!

“Pick one!” she roared at the man strapped in the wooden chair. She stood over him, her gun pointing at the man’s temple as he sobbed uncontrollably.

“I can’t, please let me go.” She stared at the ground and shook her head in disgust. Weak, she thought.

“Why are you doing this to us?!” screamed the man’s friend sitting opposite. He strained at the straps that were holding his legs and arms in place.

She adjusted her tie and stared at the ceiling. “Just choose,” she whispered menacingly.

“Okay, okay, I’ll choose, I’ll goddamn choose… No-n-n-no hands.” Suddenly the man’s hands vanished and he pulled the rounded stumps free from the restraints.

“Was that so bad?” she smirked at him and turned her gun to the second man. “Now choose, would you rather have no hands or no eyes!”

“It’s actually not that bad, there’s no pain at all,” said the first man looking at his new stumps. “Go with no hands, it’s a talking point. Like there’s loads of blind people about.”

His friend began to sob.

“Neither, please. N-n-neither…”

His friend snorted and rolled his eyes.”You can’t choose neither Derek-”

“Neither?” asked the woman, raising her eyebrows. “Cool.” She strode casually to the man’s chair, unbuckled him and walked out of the room.

“Ha Ha! Tom, can you believe-”

“What the fuck! She never said ‘neither’ was one of the fucking choices!”

“Tom, relax. You’re going to be fine. Drama queen,” it was Derek’s turn to roll his eyes. He unstrapped Tom’s legs and walked out of the room.

“You can’t be fucking serious…” Tom muttered to himself.




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